Monday, March 30, 2009


Nowadays we have statistics for almost everyone and everything -
Statistics for physicians and statistics for beauticians.
Statistical mechanics and statistics for Hispanics.
Statistics can do a lot for you. It can save you from disasters.
For instance, statistics shows that 60% of murder victims knew their assailants.
Evidently they didn’t know them well enough.
Here is another useful statistical fact that will make you think twice before you commit:
Do you know that 50 percent of marriages end in divorce?
If you think this is bad, think about the other 50 percent - how do they end?
In statistics they always talk about the average American.
The average American likes sex and football, but not at the same time.
Let me ask you, ladies, and I don’t mean you, Rosie O'Donnell, how many times did you have sex during the Superbowl?
The average American also likes hamburgers, has one child, is overweight even though he jogs regularly, never had a real job, and denies that he had sex with Monica Lewinsky.
Speaking of sex, did you know that the average American man has sex 2.5 times a week?
This .5 time is when the phone company calls and asks if you are the decision maker in the house.
Another statistical fact is that Americans have less children than ever before.
The average child in America has only 1.5 siblings.
This is one brother and one half-brother (or maybe three half-brothers).
No area has been the subject of statistics more than health and in particular the effects of smoking. In fact, a new study shows that smoking is one of the main causes of statistics.
Another serious threat to our health is overweight.
The average American man is 2.3 pounds heavier than his father and 1.2 pounds heavier than his brother.
We even have statistics about personal hygiene.
For example, statistics shows that 23% of people wipe their ass with the left hand.
The rest use toilet paper.
In fact, we use five times more paper for wiping our body parts than for writing.
But despite all those health risks the population is living longer, and getting older.
The average American is now 12 months older than he was a year ago.
Statistics covers other aspects of life as well.
For example, a recent study has shown that the average American spends 10 hours a week standing in line.
And this is only at the Unemployment Office.
Another statistical fact is that Hispanics are the fastest growing minority.
They are now almost 6 foot tall.
Statistics also shows that the average American watches TV 6 hours a day.
And out of those, 5 are for the Academy Awards ceremony.
On the other hand, Americans read less and less.
The average American man reads only one book in 11 months and when he is done he begins the next volume of Spiderman.

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