Sunday, March 29, 2009

Ask Your Doctor

My erectile dysfunction and how it got cured.
One of the most severe dangers facing mankind today, aside from global warming and gambling on the web, is erectile dysfunction. Take me for example. I never had any problems below the belt. I mean my own belt. I did have problems below other people's belts, if you know what I mean. This was true until one day my cousin Dick told me
"You know, Ben, the older I get, the stronger I become."
"Oh, yes?" I asked.
So he told me
"Yeh," he said. When I was young I could not bend it, no matter what, and it caused me a lot of problems. For example, on a bus, whenever a lady came in and I, due to my good manners, wanted to get up and give her my seat, I could not do it and instead I had to offer her to sit on my knees. I spent most of my youth asking myself how can I shrink it. I tried many tricks. Once I tried to tie it to my leg, but then it fell asleep and it took me hours to wake it up."
"And is it different now?" I asked.
"Oh yeh," he said. "Now I have no problem bending it at all. It's quite easy."
"It must be those daily exercises you're having" I said.
"Yes," Dick said "I think so, or maybe it's the steroids"
"You're taking steroids?" I asked.
"Doesn't everyone?" he said "and you see? It works, even though I didn't break any record yet. The only medicine I am careful with is Viagra."
"Oh, yes? and why is that?" I asked.
"Because" Dick said "with Viagra there is a serious danger that you will have an erection lasting four hours or more, and I always considered myself lucky if I had an erection lasting four minutes."
"Yes," I had to agree and I reminded him "and you should also avoid taking it if you are pregnant or expecting to get pregnant."
"Oh, yes" he smiled "but we are trying to avoid this anyhow, if you know what I mean."
As soon as Dick left I decided to test my own strength - I tried to bend mine and indeed it was surprisingly easy. There was one conundrum ,though - I do not exercise like Dick does and I don't take steroids, so where did all this extra strength come from?
At about the same time I noticed a drop in my sexual activity, if you excuse the expression, and I decided to consult my doctor. To my surprise he was available. I scheduled an appointment and just a month and a half later I went to see him.
"Well," he said "what seems to be the problem?"
"The problem seems to be that in spite of my increased strength there is a drop in my sexual activity." I said. He became very concerned and said
"Yes, this is a serious problem indeed. How often do you have sex, may I ask?"
"About twice a month," I said.
" Hm," he said "and how old are you?"
"Seventy eight and a half," I said.
"For seventy eight and a half you look pretty good," the doctor said.
"I look even better for seventy nine and a half," I said.
"Well," the doctor was relieved now "at seventy eight and a half this is quite normal. It depends on your age, you know."
"But my cousin Dick is three and a half years older than me and he claims that he is having sex three times a week," I said.
The doctor thought for a moment and then looked at me and said "You know what?"
"What?" I asked.
"Start claiming so too." he said, and this is how my erectile dysfunction was finally cured.
My erectile dysfunction and how it got cured.
One of the most severe dangers facing mankind today, aside from global warming and gambling on the web, is erectile dysfunction. Take me for example. I never had any problems below the belt. I mean my own belt. I did have problems below other people's belts, if you know what I mean. This was true until one day my cousin Dick told me
"You know, Ben, the older I get, the stronger I become."
"Oh, yes?" I asked.
So he told me
"Yeh," he said. When I was young I could not bend it, no matter what, and it caused me a lot of problems. For example, on a bus, whenever a lady came in and I, due to my good manners, wanted to get up and give her my seat, I could not do it and instead I had to offer her to sit on my knees. I spent most of my youth asking myself how can I shrink it. I tried many tricks. Once I tried to tie it to my leg, but then it fell asleep and it took me hours to wake it up."
"And is it different now?" I asked.
"Oh yeh," he said. "Now I have no problem bending it at all. It's quite easy."
"It must be those daily exercises you're having" I said.
"Yes," Dick said "I think so, or maybe it's the steroids"
"You're taking steroids?" I asked.
"Doesn't everyone?" he said "and you see? It works, even though I didn't break any record yet. The only medicine I am careful with is Viagra."
"Oh, yes? and why is that?" I asked.
"Because" Dick said "with Viagra there is a serious danger that you will have an erection lasting four hours or more, and this is so dangerous that you have to call your doctor immediately, and I always considered myself lucky when I had an erection lasting four minutes."
"Yes," I had to agree and I reminded him "and you should also avoid taking it if you are pregnant or expecting to get pregnant."
"Oh, yes" he smiled "but we are trying to avoid this anyhow, if you know what I mean."
As soon as Dick left I decided to test my own strength - I tried to bend mine and indeed it was surprisingly easy. There was one conundrum ,though - I do not exercise like Dick does and I don't take steroids, so where did all this extra strength come from?
At about the same time I noticed a drop in my sexual activity, if you excuse the expression, and I decided to consult my doctor. To my surprise he was available. I scheduled an appointment and just a month and a half later I went to see him.
"Well," he said "what seems to be the problem?"
"The problem seems to be that in spite of my increased strength there is a drop in my sexual activity." I said. He became very concerned and said
"Yes, this is a serious problem indeed. How often do you have sex, may I ask?"
"About twice a month," I said.
" Hm," he said "and how old are you?"
"Seventy eight and a half," I said.
"For seventy eight and a half you look good," the doctor said.
"I look even better for seventy nine and a half " I said
"Well," the doctor was relieved now "at seventy eight and a half this is quite normal. It depends on your age, you know."
"But my cousin Dick is three and a half years older than me and he claims that he is having sex three times a week," I said.
The doctor thought for a moment and then looked at me and said "You know what?"
"What?" I asked.
"Start claiming so too." he said, and this is how my erectile dysfunction was finally cured.

2 comments:

  1. Viagra, the FDA (Food and Drugs Administration) approved anti-impotence drug is composed of specific inactive ingredients such as anhydrous dibasic calcium phosphate, microcrystalline cellulose, magnesium stearate et al and altogether the medicine contains sildenafil as the chief component. But the erectile dysfunction medicine viagra would yield effective results only when taken in accordance with the instructions of the doctor.

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  2. This is exactly the message that I was trying to convey. Thanks for your comment.
    Josh

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